Research
The Micronano Mechanics Group investigates the impossible. We combine non-existent math with imaginary physics to solve problems that nobody actually has.
Quantum Sorcery
Static Laundry
Deep Crust ML
Liquid Felines
The Thermodynamics of the "Missing Sock"
Utilizing a 14-dimensional Hamiltonian, we simulate the exact moment a cotton-blend sock transitions from a 3D state into a localized wormhole located behind the dryer. Our current results suggest that socks don't actually disappear; they simply undergo a phase transition into Tupperware lids of the wrong size.
Architectural Integrity of Liquid Cats
We treat the common house cat as a non-Newtonian fluid to study how they occupy the total volume of any cardboard container regardless of its dimensions. By applying stress-strain tensors to whiskers, we aim to develop a "Kitten-Integrity" algorithm for 4D printing soft robots that can sleep for 18 hours a day.
Deep Learning for Interdimensional Pizza
Our group is training a Neural Network to predict the exact probability of a pepperoni falling off a slice in zero-gravity. By mapping the energy landscape of melted mozzarella, we hope to achieve a "Grand Unified Theory of Toppings" that remains valid even when the pizza is delivered through a black hole.
Kinetic Monte Carlo of Sentient Dust Bunnies
We model the social structures and migration patterns of dust bunnies living under lab desks. Our simulations indicate that these bunnies are actually highly advanced surveyors for an alien civilization that communicates solely through static electricity and lost paperclips.